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---Numbers---
--Bobby Bare--

I was sittin' in Friday's suckin' on a glass of wineWhen in walked a chick who almost struck me blindHad wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fineOn a scale of one to ten, I'd give her a nine.Now on my scale there ain't no ten's, you knowNine is about as far as any chick can goSo I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look at meSo for brains and good judgement, I'd give her a three.I said, "Hey sweet thing, you look like a possible eightYou and me could, uh! make eighteen, if your head's on straight."She looked up and down my perfect frameAnd said these words that burned into my perfect brain.She said, well, another one of those macho-matician menKind who grade all women on scales of one to tenAnd, you give me an eight, well, that's a generous thing to doNow, let's just see, just how much I give you.She said you comin' on to me with that phony numbers jiveYour style makes me smile, I give it a fiveWhen you walked up I noticed that suit of (yores)It's last year's double-knit frayed-cuffs, give it a four.That must be your car parked out on the curbThat sixty-nine homemade convertible, a three and a thirdNow, as for your build, I guess (yore) less than fiveExcept, for your pot belly, I'd give that a ten for size.That wine you're pourin' might be fine to youBut I'm used to fine champagne, I give it a twoIt's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worthI give it a six, you could use some dental work.But, It's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laughIt may be a ten to these country hens, but to me a three and a halfAnd there really ain't much to add once the subtractin's doneSince there ain't no zeroes, I give you a one!.She walked out, while up and down the lineThe whole bar was laughin', said' Bare, what happened to your nineNine says I, hell soon as she started to talk I knewShe didn't have no class, I barely gave her a two.Spoken:Yeah! No matter how good they look at firstThere's flaws in all of themThat's why on a scale of ten to one, friendThere ain't no ten.

Songwriters
S. SILVERSTEINPublished by
Lyrics © T.R.O. INC.