I said a bad word when I was a kid
Mama said, that I'd be sorry for the sin that I did
My daddy whooped me and the preacher said shame
And I tried like hell to changeBut I cuss, I smoke, I laugh at dirty jokes, the minor vices
Man, I know 'em well, I've closed down bars, I've lusted in my heart
My ex's think I oughta burn in hell, but the devil he won't notice when I die And don't you figure, he's got bigger fish to fry, oh, yeahPoliticians taking pork barrel bribes
Crooked CEO's are getting off with no time
Christmas Eve burglars stealing good children's toys
(Can't say Christmas)
Holiday burglars stealing good children's toysI cuss, I smoke, I laugh at dirty jokes, the minor vices
Man, I know 'em well, I've closed down bars, I've lusted in my heart
My ex thinks I oughta burn in hell, but the devil won't notice when I die Yeah, don't you figure, he's got bigger fish to fryYeah, there's gonna be bonfire burning
An everlasting barbecue
But with all the bad stuff going on
There ain't gonna be room for me and you'Cause we cuss, we smoke, we laugh at Tater's jokes
Tell one Jim, you know you're old when your wife says
"Honey, let's run upstairs and make love
And your answer is, "I cannot do both"
The minor voices, man, we know 'em wellWe've closed down bars, we've lusted in our hearts
Our ex's think we oughta burn in hell
But the devil, he won't notice when we die
Hey, don't you figure, he's got bigger fish to fryYeah, don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry
Pass the tartar sauce
When we all get to heaven what a day of rejoicing it will be