Call me Efrem Zimbalist,
Get me Bobby Kennedy,
Then call Dave Ben-Gurion, too.
Then tell Carol Baker I'm home, now;
Tell her Mastroianni sends love from Rome now.
Then get Hank Mancini
And tell him Fred Fellini is waiting;
Where the heck is the song?
Order Scotch and ice and then
Ring up Barbra Streisand and
Then set up a conference call
With Sammy Davis and Charles de Gaulle.
Call me Walter Cronkite
And tell him Nancy Dickerson said
That David Brinkley was wrong.
Then get Conrad Hilton in Bombay;
Tell him Tuesday night I want peaches flambe.
Call Chief Justice Warren
And tell him Sophie Loren is worried;
Is she married or not?
Then call Arthur Schlesinger;
No, no, send a messenger
With the saddest news of the bunch:
Tell Lady Bird I'll be late for lunch.
Dial up Liberace
And, while up, Joe Valachi
And tell him Lucky sends his regards.
Find out where Onassis' barge is;
Call him, ship-to-shore, and reverse the charges.
Locate Melvin Belli
And tell Mel One-Eye Felli was scratched
By Princess Margaret's rose.
Then call Lollabrigida,
This week she's in Wichita,
And then, when you reach Cary Grant,
Tell him I'd love to, but I just can't.
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written by ROLIE, GREGG/PESSIS, ANDRE
Lyrics © EMI Music Publishing