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Charity's Soliloquy

Charity:

Can I remember how this song and dance began?

Yes, I can and damn right I can!

It began, well, anyway you see there was this man

Who stopped and asked me if I knew which way

Was Lexington Avenue.

He said I'm gonna Bloomingdale's.

I said I'm gonna Bloomingdale's.

So we hoofed it over the Bloomingdale's,

He wanted to buy some jockey shorts...

Then he said: " miss, would you like a cup of tea

Or maybe some seven-up?"

I left the tea picked up the tab for the jockey's shorts

And the taxicab

He dropped me off and I burnt

Boy, let that be a lesson to ya

Lower the poem girl, lower the poem

But what can you do when he knocks on your door

Cause they locked him out of his furnished room

So...he moves in!

He moves in with his jockeys shorts and a paper bag

Nothing else!

He needs toothpaste and a tooth brush

And pajama tops

He needs razor blades , a razor and a comb,

Several!

He needs sistering and brothering and fathering and mothering

He needs a hat to hang up in my flat and call it home.

In no time at all

I find we're very much in love

And I'm blushing like a sentimental slob.

And he's kissing me and hugging me

And all the time he's bugging me to

Go out and try to find myself a better paying job.

Comes July, it's ninety-eight degrees.

He wants a coat, he wants a fur line coat

(???)

While I really didn't begrudge it

When I figured out my budget for that coat

I had to dance with something like

Eleven hundred jerks

Now comes February, ten degrees...I need a coat

Need a coat to warm his puddle

That I bought!

So he gives me his old sweater ,

A muffler and a stretcher

That I give to him, ha ha ha!

The bronchial pneumonia that I caught.

Then I give him pocket money,

Poker money, smoking money, skating money

Poling money, movie money, haircut money,

Shoeshine money,

Money for a bill from Louis' Bar

Money for a bill from Maxi's Bar

Money for a bill from Charlie's Bar

But will he ask for subway money?

Now he wants some subway money

As he turns out

The bum wants to go to Florida!

Come on down

Now hear this and get this

Hold this and Amen

This big fat heart ain't gonna be joined apart

Ever, ever, ever again!

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