Shawn Carter was born December 4th
Weighing in at 10 pounds 8 ounces
He was the last of my four children
The only one who didn't give me any pain when I gave birth to him
And that's how I knew that he was a special childThey say "they never really miss you til you dead or you gone"
So on that note I'm leaving after this song
So you ain't gotta feel no way about Jay, so long
At least let me tell you why I'm this way, hold on
I was conceived by Gloria Carter and Adaness Revees
Who made love under the Sycamore tree
Which makes me
A more sicker emcee than my momma would claim
At ten pounds when I was born I didn't give her no pain
Although through the years I gave her her fair share
I gave her her first real scare
I made it from birth and I got here
She knows my purpose wasn't purpose
I ain't perfect I care
But I feel worthless cause my shirts wasn't matching my gear
Now I'm just scratching the surface cause what's buried under there
Was a kid torn apart once his pop disappeared
I went to school got good grades could behave when I wanted
But I had demons deep inside that would raise when confronted
Hold onShawn was a very shy child growing up
He was into sports
And a funny story is
At four he taught his self how to ride a bike
A two wheeler at that
Isn't that special?
But, I noticed a change in him when me and my husband broke upNow all the teachers couldn't reach me
And my momma couldn't beat me
Hard enough to match the pain of my pop not seeing me, so
With that disdain in my membrane
Got on my pimp game
Fuck the world my defense came
Then Dahaven introduced me to the game
Spanish Jose introduced me to cane
I'm a hustler now
My gear is in and I'm in the in crowd
And all the wavy light skinned girls is loving me now
My self esteem went through the roof man I got my swag
Got a vocal from this girl when her man got bagged
Plus I hit my momma with cash from a show that I had
Supposedly knowing nobody paid Jaz wack ass
I'm getting ahead of myself, by the way, I could rap
That came second to me moving this crack
Gimme a second I swear
I will say about my rap career
Til '96 came niggas I'm here
Good-byeShawn use to be in the kitchen
Beating on the table and rapping
And um, until the wee hours of the morning
And then I bought him a boom box
And his sisters and brothers said that he would drive them nuts
But that was my way to keep him close to me and out of troubleGood-bye to the game all the spoils, the adrenaline rush
Your blood boils you in a spot knowing cops could rush
And you in a drop your so easy to touch
No two days are alike
Except the first and fifteenth pretty much
And "trust" is a word you seldom hear from us
Hustlers we don't sleep we rest one eye up
And a drought can define a man, when the well dries up
You learn to work the water without working, of thirst you'll die yup
And niggas get tied up for product
And little brothers ring fingers get cut up
To show mothers they really got 'em
And this was the stress I live with til I decided
To try this rap shit for a living
I pray I'm forgiven
For every bad decision I made
Every sister I played
Cause I'm still paranoid to this day
And it's nobody fault I made the decisions I made
This is the life I chose or rather the life that chose meIf you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack
Maybe you'll love me when I fade to blackIf you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack
Maybe you'll love me when I fade to blackIf you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack
Maybe you'll love me when I fade to blackIf you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack
Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black
Songwriters
Carter, Shawn C / Boyd, Walter / Powell, ElijahPublished by
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group Song Discussions is protected by U.S. Patent 9401941. Other patents pending.