One for the trouble, two for the timeThe neophyte lays down the law
And the choir boy plays five card draw
All the news that's fit to print
Rolls right off, don't make a dentDiamond Jim, where you hiding?
Diamond Jim, where you hiding?
When Diamond Jim gets back
Diamond Jim will know just what to doThe mannequin takes off her clothes
And the clowns are laughing at your nose
The weatherman he is the news
And Dick Clark's got the tombstone bluesRight, Diamond Jim, where you hiding?
Diamond Jim, where you hiding?
When Diamond Jim gets back
Diamond Jim will know just what to doWhere you been so doggone long?
Diamond Jim, don't you shine me onYour homeboy's under house arrest
It all feels too real to be a test
The open mikes are out of poems
And the pleasure's leaking from the domesAlright, Diamond Jim, where you hiding?
Diamond Jim, where you hiding?
When Diamond Jim gets back
Diamond Jim will know just what to doOh yeah, Diamond Jim, where you hiding?
Diamond Jim, where you hiding?
When Diamond Jim gets back
Diamond Jim will know just what to doHey, hey, hey
Diamond Jim gets back
Diamond Jim will know just what to do