Well, you got trouble my friend, right here
I say trouble right here it isn't pretty
Why, sure I like promotion certainly
Mighty proud to pay, I say I’m
Always mighty to pay it
I consider that the money I spend for
A spot in the church bulletin is fine
Helps to cultivate client contact and a good cause
And a great buy
And I understand the value of
Passing out business cards at the
Sunday pot luck suppers
But just as I say it takes judgement, brains and
Maturity to know when it's time to self promote
I say that any boob can pay to advertise some
Smarmy legal service and I call that wrong
The first big step on the road to lawyer degrada -
I say first!
It’s color ads of car wrecks, then animated pop-ups!
And the next thing you know your firm Is
Paying for a real slick photo shoot
And list'nin to some big outta town director
Hearin' him tell about product placement!
And we’re not talkin' about dignified, no
But a slick come-on with a phony smile
And with the implied promise that they drink with the judge
Make your blood boil, well I should say
Now friends lemme tell you what I mean
You got 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 Canons of Ethics
Canons that mark the difference
Between a gentlemen and a sleaze
There ain't no "G" that stands for greed in an ethics rule!
And week after week these lawyers
With the truth will be chippin' away
I say sleazy lawyers'll be chippin'
Chippin' away at candor, honesty, dignity, too
Get your face in the ad, never mind doin' bar work, no.
Or some pro bono, or committee report
Never mind volunteering for your new law center,
While you drive your Ferrari on a Friday night
We need ethics, oh yes ya' need stronger rules of ethics
I’m thinkin' of the firms with associates, green and hungry
With great big bank loans, thinkin' that’s it's cool to lose ethics
Folks, right here it isn't pretty
There ain't no G that stands for greed in an ethics rule!
Now I know all you folks are the right kind of lawyers
I’m going to be perfectly frank
Would you like to know how those
Slick mass-advertised plaintiff's practices really work?
They'll be sending out runners, relying on adjusters
Never see client one
Wearin’ shorts and flip flops
And braggin' all about how they’re gonna
Clean up suing the makes of "Fen-Phen"
One fine day they stop comin’ in completely
Out of the lake, relyin' on the cell phone and drinking tequila
With hip-hop shameless music, that'll fry your brain
Oh, forget the client until you've lost very
Decent instinct, MALPRACTICE!
Friends, the road to hell has layer billboards
Trouble! Malpractice isn't pretty!
There ain't no "G" that stands for greed in an ethics rule
We surely need ethics
In every U.S. city
Gotta figure out a way to make those lawyers learn the rules
Fellow lawyers, heed my warning before it's too late
Watch for telltale signs of corruption
When you leave for the office
Have you stopped worrying about wearing a tie?
Have you stopped updating your digests?
Or drafting your pleadings yourself?
Are you sneaking out to Starbuck’s for a latte at
10 every morning, and staying gone 'til lunchtime?
Are certain words creeping into your conversation?
Words like "networking" and "optimize"?
Well, if so my friends you need ethics
Malpractice isn't pretty
Or you'll appear your whole career like the devil's fool!
We surely need ethics in every single city
Remember to learn each hallowed word in every rule!
Oh yeah we need ethics
We need piles and piles of ethics
You better learn those canons now or be a fool!
Oh yes, we need ethics, ethics, ethics
With an E-T-H-I-C, yes!
Make ethics rule!
Lyrics Submitted by Gregory Acedo