In Gertrude's Garden Hospital
The Matron held the floor
She told the doctors many things
She'd never told before
She told them what King George had said
concerning etiquette
and how he'd sneeze and shake the trees
to amuse the marmoset
Put me in your shoe
And take me home with you
Tell me what to do
and take me home!
She called in on a medium
to talk to Uncle Sam
They all held hands and giggled
and a voice said, "here I am!"
She said, "Please help me understand
these feelings that I get"
"Well, Matron, ma'am," said Uncle Sam
"You ain't felt nothin' yet."
Put me in your shoe
And take me home with you
Tell me what to do
and take me home!
In Gertrude's Garden Hospital
The Matron gave a sob
"Who is there here to help me now?"
They shouted, "SHUT YER GOB!"
Lyrics Submitted by Richard Gagnon