This is my life
I always knew I was different even back at six
They tied me to a pole with a rope and wrap my wrists
They punch me and kick me and slap me with sticks
In the ribs and the kids called my daddy a bitch
Said my father's a faggot, it aggravated my dealings
I didn't know no better but knew I hated the feeling
From laughing at me whenever they would crack jokes
On my way to the store to get a pack of smokes
For my Nana, Benson and Hedges 100 with a note from my grandmother
It's something she suffers from arthritis
Hands stuck together, drop down elbows
It looked like baseball, she called marshmallows
I could see the silhouettes of the past, hello
The days back when I had those rain tap windows
To peer through and just look at the world
I was just a boy, I never knew what would occur
Blur ahead to myself as a half-dead fiend
Fucked up in my head from what happened between
With my body on the floor I'm asleep from beans
My life flashed before me, I peeped the scenes
[Chorus]
Yeah, the ghosts talk to me in my head
They said I'm already dead
And I had so much blood to be shed
But I can't spill it no more
And I have died a thousand deaths
On the ground so out of breath
Yeah I've been down that flight of steps
But you can't kill me no more
It's a chain, we all grew up with the same dreams
But hit the potholes in the street and became fiends
Got in fistfights every night with the same team
Right around the time that ? came clean
I was hurt from my broken home and going crazy
Rolling up coke in bones and so I am maybe
One these troubled youth in this modern day America
Thank God I'm still alive, I gotta say it's Erica
Who's always by my side, that's why I love her forever
She knows my whole pain and all the stormy weather
That I been through, what I overcame and what it meant too
Other people looked at me like a freak with a pencil
I got enough rage for every page in my books
What I done I should be in a cage with the crooks
But I'm not, barely by the skin of my teeth
Maybe there's a reason, time for me to finish this beef
[Chorus]
It's the dawn of a new day and I've been given a platform
All the moments in my life, I got a rap for em
I gotta tell my story, bring it back for em
Either that or I could slip away and the crack's gone
You think I let it happen well that's wrong
Who would've ever thought I would be saved by a rap song?
I gotta capitalize cause I'm rapping with guys
That I idolized as a kid, I'm revitalized
Always looked at life through a writer's eyes
I learned this shit is hard, really man you either fight or die
So I'mma stand up and fight that fight
I'm going home broken bone and bloody tonight
You motherfuckers ever look and study your life
And see how fade and grayed they've made whatever you like
Cause I can feel it in my fucking gut when I write
This pain is sweet, I needed to be cut with this knife
[Chorus]
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written by LIZ CARROLL
Lyrics © A SIDE MUSIC LLC