TOBIAS:
Ladies and gentlemen,
May I have your attention, please?
Are your nostrils aquiver and tingling as well
At that delicate, luscious ambrosial smell?
Yes they are, I can tell.Well, ladies and gentlemen,
That aroma enriching the breeze
Is like nothing compared to its succulent source,
As the gourmets among you will tell you, of course.Ladies and gentlemen,
You can't imagine the rapture in store
Just inside of this door!There you'll sample
Mrs. Lovett's meat pies,
Savory and sweet pies,
As you'll see.
You who eat pies,
Mrs. Lovett's meat pies
Conjure up the treat pies
Used to be!
1ST MAN:
Over here, boy, how about some ale?
2ND MAN:
Let me have another, laddie!
1ST WOMAN:
Tell me, are they flavorsome?
2ND WOMAN:
They are.
3RD WOMAN:
Isn't this delicious?
TOBIAS ( To 2ND MAN):
Right away.
4THMAN:
Could we have some service over here, boy?
4TH WOMAN:
Could we have some service, waiter?
3RD MAN:
Could we have some service?
2ND and 3RD WOMAN:
Yes, they are.
1ST MAN:
God, that's good!
2ND MAN:
What about that pie, boy?
1ST WOMAN:
Tell me, are they spicy?
2ND WOMAN:
God, that's good!
5TH WOMAN:
How much are you charging?
TOBIAS:
Thruppence.
3RD WOMAN:
Yes, what about the pie, boy?
4TH WOMAN:
I never tasted anything so ...
1ST and 5TH woman:
Thruppence?
5TH MAN:
Thruppence for a meat pie?
1ST and 2ND man:
Where's the ale I asked you for, boy?
TOBIAS:
|_ Ladies and gentlemen !MRS. LOVETT
Toby!TOBIAS:
Coming!
'Scuse me . . .
MRS. LOVETT:
Ale there!
TOBIAS:
Right, mum!
MRS. LOVETT:
Quick, now!
CUSTOMER:
God, that's good!MRS. LOVETT:
Nice to see you, dearie . ..
How have you been keeping? ...
Cor, me bones is weary!
Toby!
One for the gentleman . . .
Hear the birdies cheeping
Helps to keep it cheery . . .
Toby!
Throw the old woman out!Customers:
God, that's good!MRS. LOVETT:
What's your pleasure, dearie? ...
No, we don't cut slices .. .
Cor, me eyes is bleary! . . .
Toby!
None for the gentleman! . . .
I could up me prices
I'm a little leery ...
Business
Couldn't be better, though
CUSTOMER:
God, that's good!
MRS. LOVETT:
Knock on wood.
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT:
Excuse me ...
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT:
Dear, see to the customers.
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT:
Yes, what, love?
Quick, though, the trade is brisk.
TODD:
But it's six o'clock!
MRS. LOVETT:
So it's six o'clock.
TODD:
It was due to arrive
At a quarter to five
MRS. LOVETT:
TODD:
And it's six o'clock!
I've been waiting all day!
But it should have been here
By now!
And it's probably already
Down the block!
It'll be here, it'll be here!
Have a beaker of beer
And stop worrying, dear.
Now, now . . .
CUSTOMERS:
More hot pies!
MRS. LOVETT:
Gawd.
Will you wait there, TODD:
Coolly, You'll come back
'Cos my customers truly When it comes?
Are getting unruly.
And what's your pleasure, dearie?
Oops! I beg your pardon!
Just me hands is smeary
Toby!
Run for the gentleman!
Don't you love a garden?
Always makes me teary . ..
Must be one of them foreigners
customers:
God, that's good that is delicious!MRS. LOVETT:
What's my secret?
Frankly, dear forgive my candor
Family secret,
All to do with herbs.
Things like being
Careful with your coriander,
That's what makes the gravy grander !CUSTOMER:
More hot pies!
More hot!
More pies!
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT:
Excuse me ...
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT:
Dear, see to the customers.
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT:
Yes, what, love?
Quick, though, the trade is brisk.
TODD:
But it's here!
MRS. LOVETT:
It's where?
TODD:
Coming up the stair!
MRS. LOVETT:
I'll get rid of this lot
As they're still pretty hot
And then I'll be there!
TODD:
It's about to be opened
Or don't you care?
No, I'll be there!
I will be there!
But they'll never be sold
If I let 'em get cold
But we have to prepare!
MRS. LOVETT:
Oh, and
Incidentally, dearie,
You know Mrs. Mooney.
Sales've been so dreary
Toby!
Poor thing is penniless.
What about that loony?
Lookin' sort of beery
Oh well, got her comeuppance
And that'll be thruppence and
MRS. LOVETT:
So she should.
God, that's good that is de have you
Licious ever tasted smell such
Oh my God what more that's pies good!
TODD and MRS. LOVETT:
Eat them slow.
Oooohhhh! Oooohhhh!
TODD:
Is that a chair fit for a king,
A wondrous neat
And most particular chair?
You tell me where
Is there a seat
Can half compare
With this particular thing!
I have a few
Minor adjustments
To make
They'll take
A moment.
I'll call you . ..
MRS. LOVETT:
It's gorgeous!
It's gorgeous!
It's perfect!
It's gorgeous!
You make your few
Minor adjustments.
You take your time,
I'll go see to the customers.
TODD:
I have another friend . ..
TOBIAS:
Is that a pie fit for a king,
A wondrous sweet
And most delectable thing?
You see, ma'am, why
There is no meat
MRS. LOVETT:
It's gorgeous!
It's gorgeous!
Pie can compete It's perfect!
With this delectable It's gorgeous!
Pie.
Customers:
Yum!
Yum!
Yum!
TOBIAS and MRS. LOVETT:
The crust all velvety and wavy,
That glaze, those crimps . . .
And then, the thick, succulent gravy.. .
One whiff, one glimpse . . .
customers:
Yum! Yum!
Yum! Yum!
Yum! Yum!
Yum! Yum!
TODD:
And now to test
This best of barber chairs .. .
MRS. LOVETT:
So rich,
So thick
It makes you sick . . .
TOBIAS:
So tender
That you surrender .. .
customers:
Yum!
Yum!
Yum! Yum!
TODD:
It's rime . ..
It's rime . ..
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT:
Excuse me . ..
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT:
Dear, see to the customers.
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT:
Yes, what, love?
TODD:
Quick, now!
MRS. LOVETT:
Me heart's aflutter !
TODD:
When I pound the floor,
It's a signal to show
That I'm ready to go,
When I pound the floor!
I just want to be sure.
When I'm certain that you're
In place
MRS. LOVETT:
When you pound the floor,
Yes, you told me, I know,
You'll be ready to go
When you pound the floor
Will you trust me?
Will you trust me?
I'll be waiting below
For the whistle to blow . ..
TODD:
I'll pound three rimes.
Three rimes.
And then you
Three rimes
If you
Exactly.
customers:
More hot pies!
MRS. LOVETT:
Gawd!
CUSTOMERS:
More hot!
MRS. LOVETT:
Right!
CUSTOMERS:
More pies!
TODD:
Psst!
CUSTOMERS:
More!
MRS. LOVETT:
Wait!
CUSTOMER:
More hot pies!
More hot! More pies!
More! Hot! Pies!MRS. LOVETT and TOBIAS:
Eat them slow and
Feel the crust, how thin I (she) rolled it!
Eat them slow, 'cos
Every one's a prize!
Eat them slow, 'cos
That's the lot and now we've sold it!
Come again tomorrow !MRS. LOVETT:
Hold itCUSTOMERS:
More hot pies!MRS. LOVETT:
Bless my eyes !
Fresh supplies!MRS. LOVETT:
How about it, dearie?
Be here in a twinkling!
Just confirms my theory
Toby!
God watches over us.
Didn't have an inkling . . .
Positively eerie . . .TOBIAS (with Mrs. Lovett above):
Is that a pie
Fit for a king,
A wondrous sweet
And most delectable thing?
You see, ma'am, why
There is no meat pieCUSTOMERS:
Yum!
Yum!
Yum!
Yum! Yum!
Yum!
Yum!MRS. LOVETT:
Toby!
Throw the old woman out!CUSTOMERS:
God, that's good that is de have you
Licious ever tasted smell such
Oh my God what perfect more that's
Pies such flavor
God, that's good!!!
Song Discussions is protected by U.S. Patent 9401941. Other patents pending.