I'll tell you all my granny dear
Old warm and sweet and fair
With sparkling eyes like diamonds
And silvery locks of hair
But underneath her sweetness
She hid a vixens heart
And though it was from time to time
Her wisdom she'd impart
When I was but a little girl my granny
Came to me
She taught me bout the spot between
My stomach and my knee
She told me where to touch and said to practice every night
Cause no man on earth would take the time to get it right
Our granny was so nice
She knew just what to do
She gave us good advice about the man on her canoe
By the time that I was eight I knew just how to masturbate
She's our granny and we'll always love her sooooo
Now cleaning was a chore that seemed to always take all day
I rushed to finish up the job and rub the dust away
While wiping up some bottles me granny gave a sigh
Said
If you stroke your man like that you'll get it in the eye
Our granny was so nice
Knew how to do the job
She gave us good advice
Loved to polish up the knob
She said lass just rub it in because it's lovely for your skin
She's our granny and we'll always love her soooo
To say I was a chatterbox would only be to kind
My talking caused the boys to run and leave me far behind
My granny said my dearest girl I find ya such a bore
Cause talking isn't what you should be using your mouth for
Our granny was so nice
That woman was a tease
She gave us good advice
Bent us right down on our knees
My reputation growing from the men that I've been blowing
She's our granny and we'll always love her soooo
The evening of my wedding day I ran up with surprise
When my husband dropped his trousers and showed his ample size
I went to tell my granny dear just why I had to run
Get the way my dear
She said
I'll show you how it's done
Our granny was so nice she's the woman we adore
She gave us good advice but my god she's such a whore!
Her husbands often left because she screwed them half to death
She's our granny and we'll always love her soooo
And then there came a day when granny fell so deathly ill
She pulled us very close final wisdom to instill
And with what was her final breath
She whispered with a groan
To keep your sweet and true give him another hoe to bone
That costs extra
Not with me!
Our granny was so nice
She'd teach our dogs knew tricks
She gave us good advice such as where to hide their sticks
Our granny never waryed about whether folks got married
She's our granny and we'll always love her sooooo
Yes she's our granny and we'll always love her sooooo
Lyrics Submitted by Poof Child