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Hot Water Burn Baby

Father: Well Ryan, tomorrow's a big day. Your mom's coming home from the hospital with your new baby sister.

Ryan : baby sister

Father: That's right, baby sister.

Ryan : baby sister

Father: So, uh, I think now is the time for us to go over some safety rules for when you're around your new baby sister.

Ryan : saftey rules

Father: Okay, rule number one: Always wash your hands before touching the baby.

Ryan : wash hands

Father: Do you know why?

Ryan : no

Father: Well, because sometimes you have germs on your hands and germs are bad for the baby cause they can make the baby sick.

Ryan : germs make baby sick

Father: That's right, that's right, Ryan. Germs make baby sick.

Ryan : germs make the baby sick

Father: Okay, rule number two.

Ryan : more rules

Father: Don't feed the baby anything.

Ryan : don't feed the baby.

Father: That's right.

Ryan : why?

Father: Well, because the baby needs to eat special baby food.

Ryan : why?

Father: Oh...well, other food is bad for the baby.

Ryan : other food bad for the baby

Father: That's right, good. Now, rule number three.

Ryan : more rules

Father: Never take hot water near the baby because hot water will burn the baby.

Ryan : water bad for the baby

Father: Well, not all water, just hot water,

Ryan : yes

Father: Cause hot water will burn the baby.

Ryan : i don't understand, daddy

Father: Okay, see this glass of water that I'm drinking?

Ryan : yes

Father: Well, this water is okay for the baby.

Ryan : yes

Father: Here, touch the glass.

Ryan : yes

Father: See, it's nice and cool.

Ryan : yes

Father: Now if this was hot water that would be bad because hot water can burn the baby.

Ryan : hot water burn baby?

Father: Yes, hot water burn baby.

Ryan : hot water burn baby

Father: Yes, yes, hot water burn baby.

Ryan : hot water burn your baby

Father: Yes.

Ryan : baby can't go in swimming pool?

Father: Oh no, the swimming pool is okay. Swimming pool water is cool.

Ryan : yes

Father: That's alright.

Ryan : yes

Father: But the jacuzzi is bad because that water is hot and hot water will burn the baby.

Ryan : hot water burn the baby

Father: Yes.

Ryan : hot water burn the baby

Father: Yes. Now say you made a cup of tea, would you take that near the baby?

Ryan : yea, baby like tea

Father: No Ryan, uh, I don't think you get it yet.

Ryan : baby no like tea?

Father: Well, I'm sure the baby will like tea, but what do you make tea with?

Ryan : ...hot water

Father: Right, and what did we say about hot water?

Ryan : ...oh, hot water burn baby

Father: Yes, hot water burn baby!

Ryan : hot water burn baby!

Father: That's right so no tea near the baby.

Ryan : hot water burn baby

Father: Yes.

Ryan : baby no take bath?

Father: No, bath water is warm. Warm is okay.

Ryan : yes

Father: Hot is bad.

Ryan : yes...hot water burn baby

Father: Yes, hot water burn baby.

Ryan : hot water burn baby

Father: I think you're gettin' it!

Ryan : hot water burn baby

Father: That's right, Ryan.

Ryan : hot water burn baby

Father: NOW DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT!

Narrator: 30 year later!

Wife : Hey, Ryan, what are you doing out there?

Ryan : Just watchin' the discovery channel.

Wife : Well, dinner's gonna be ready in about five minutes.

Ryan : Aw, great baby, aight, I'll be in in a few momentos. Lemme just wind down...(garbled)

Wife : Okay, honey!

Ryan : Yeah.

TV : The villagers of Pasquan

Ryan : Pasquan

TV : have a very bizarre and painful way of welcoming their infants into the community.

Ryan : (garbled)

TV : Unfortunately, the death rate from this ritual is a mortifying 90 percent.

Ryan : My God.

TV : That explains the Pasquan's low population.

Ryan : Yeah, it does.

TV : On the first full moon of Autumn, all the Pasquanian mothers wrap their new-borns in traditional hand painted deerskin,...

Ryan : Deerskin.

TV : ...which have been passed along from generation to generation.

Ryan : That's nice.

TV : The entire Pasquan population then forms a circle on the sacred battlefield of Chin-Chara.

Ryan : ya-yara

TV : Each Pasquanian baby is then passed, hand to hand, around the circle...

Ryan : Wow.

TV : ...four times.

Ryan : Four times.

TV : Once for the sun,...

Ryan : Hmm.

TV : ...once for the moon,...

Ryan : The moon.

TV : ...once for the earth,...

Ryan : The earth.

TV : ...and once for the wind.

Ryan : The wind, too.

TV : When the babies arrive back in their mother's hands, they are marched, in procession, to the Pasquanian natural hot springs...

Ryan : What?

TV : ...where the ceremonial purification will be completed.

Ryan : What are you saying here?

TV : As we watch, the mothers take their progeny out of the deerskin shells...

Ryan : No.

TV : ...and dunk them into the steaming water.

Ryan : No! No! Hot water burn baby! Hot water burn baby!

Father: That's right, Ryan. Hot water burn baby.

Ryan : Hot water burn baby!

Wife : Ryan! What's going on out there? Are you okay?

Ryan : Hot water burn baby!

Father: Hot water burn most definitely burn baby.

Ryan : Hot water burn baby!

Father: That's right, Ryan. Hot water burn baby!

Ryan : Hot water burn baby!

Father: You are a bitch, Ryan!

Ryan : Hot water burn baby!

Wife : Ryan, are you alright?

Father: Hot water burn the baby!

Ryan : Hot water burn baby!

Wife : Ryan!

Father: What are you gonna do, whore?

Wife : Ryan!

Ryan : Hot water burn baby!

Father: Bitch!

Wife : Ryan! What's going on out there?

Ryan : Hot water burn baby!

Father: Whore!

Wife : Who are you talking to?

Father: Bitch!

Ryan : I'm talking to the man!

Father: Whore!

Ryan : Hot water burn baby!

Wife : Ryan!

Father: Bitch! Ryan is a whore!

Enjoy the lyrics !!!