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III

Something casual, so sure

Something I have never known before

I don't want to go

(What was I saying the first time around?

What was I thinking?

What was I saying?)

There is a sick grace inherent in healingIt's like peeling off my skin

It's like feeling everything for the first time

Like it's finally sinking in

(What was I saying the first time around?)Upstairs through the dark and stars and out the other side

Sat a foot apart until the sun would rise

Something so sudden and so good

I never expected that we could

My god, I don't want to know

(What was I feeling the first time around?

What was I trying to do?

What was I trying to prove?)

There is a sick grace inherent in healing

I had finally choked that down

(What was I trying to get you to approve the first time around?

What was I doing the first time around?)First I was softer, then I was stronger

Now I am frightened, would you look at me now?

How long will I have you? Who am i to speak of permanence?

I'll be fifty in the book of names but goddamn it

I'll be the last on the list

Someday I'll stop begging you of who and howFirst I was stronger, then I was softer

Now I am frightened, look at me now

Somehow we managed to make it this far

Seems now everything has changed

I don't want to know

(What was I saying the first time around?

What was I thinking?

What was I doing the first time around?)It's never what I am

It's only what they were

I don't want to know

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