I'm So Good That I Don't Have to Brag

Now I'm warnin' all you women, don't stand too close to me

'Cause you might catch fire

Now you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bag

Well I'm three parts tiger and one part snake

I'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you awake

And I'm so good that I don't have to bragI need an adding machine to count up all the women

I've ruined for other men

Now compared to me Paul Bunyan is a screamin' fag

I can shift more gears and pump more juice

I'll turn you every which way but loose

And I'm so damn good that I don't have to bragNow there's twenty thirty beautiful women

A sleepin' at the foot of my bed

And every night, every night I hear 'em sighin'

They say that I don't miss a thing

They say that I'm the lovin' king

And I'm too nice a guy to say they're lyin'Now I've been makin' love professionally

Since I was only six years old

And I really learned the way to wiggly wag

And still I'm such a modest man you know

I'm twice as great as I think I am

I'm so good that I don't have to bragThere's a line of chicks startin' at my window

And reachin' across the street

And it stretches 'way to the other side of town

They come to me from across the seas

On their knees just sayin', "Please"

And I'm too nice a guy to turn 'em downNow I once got captured by some

Amazon women down in the Fiji Isles

They were fightin' over me to see who'd be my bride

I had to kill them all and I will admit it

And I won't tell you how I did it

But I'll tell you each one was smilin' when she diedNow the day I die every woman

In the country's gonna go around dressed in black

And they'll probably add another star to the American flag

And they'll build me a monument forty feet high

Sayin' it's a shame he had to die

He was so damn good he never had to bragAnd I'm tellin' you men keep

Your eighteen year old daughters off of my back

And your wives, they like the way I carry on

And why don't you go look at your mother for a while

You notice she's wearin' a funny sorta smile

Well that just means I've been there and I've goneNow if you got a frigid woman

I'm gonna cure her for a hundred dollars

You can bring her around my house at four o'clock

And you can come and pick her up at 4:03

If you can pry her off of me

I got a whole lot of others just waitin' 'round the blockNow if you're wonderin' how you're gonna get to me

Better bring a Cadillac full of money

'Cause I sure as hell ain't gonna swing without no swag

I can make you creep, I can make you crawl

Make you scream and climb the wall

And I'm so good that I don't have to bragSo baby don't call me up at three o'clock

In the mornin' no more threatenin' suicide

I mean go ahead and do it honey

'Cause wakin' me up is a drag

And you can leave a note for all the rest

Sayin' at least you had the very best

And he's so damn good that he don't have to bragNow I'm warnin' all you women don't stand too close to me

'Cause you might catch fire

Now you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bag

I'm three parts tiger and one part snake

I'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you awake

And I'm so good that I don't have to brag