I once knew a man with a head made of glass
he kept to himself and the stick up his ass
He thought everyone should feel sorry for him, they should
But in reality no one really ever could
So the bully's would hit him, because they were brutes
The lawyers would tackle him with the lawsuits
Then he hung out with the hippie chicks, who found before long
That if he could hold his water, they could use him as a bong!
So he tried to get away before he had to pay the rent
but unfortunately his motives were all too transparent
They tied him right down, they held him at bay
They did everything they could to convince him to stay
He looked up and said, "Oh girls, please pity me
I'm just a glass headed man who wants to roam free
and if I search long enough, perhaps then I'll find
the Zamboni Queen Ant leading all our freaky kind!"
Well, he wasn't all that important to them, you know
and none of them really wanted to shatter his ego
So they exclaimed, "If you can give us absolutely no reprieve,
well then, of course you can always feel free to leave
But if you ever feel the need to be bustin' your sack
Just make like Kotter, and we'll welcome you back."
And then this idea popped into his brain
His mental light bulb illuminating everything
See, if he did go, it didn't matter where he went
'Cause time after time, he'd still have anger to vent
But if he found others like him, perhaps kind and nice
He could drop his aggression, he could get past his vice.
And then a squirrel lost a nut from high up in a tree
It hit him in the head and rang A443
And when they started using him to tune their guitars
He turned away, and started considering renaming himself Richard.
The Freaks are few and far between
The Freaks are few and far between
The Freaks are few and far between
And if you're the Freak, you know what I mean
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Lyrics submitted by Carl.