I've been feeling dull as a coat hanger
Pretty as a picture of a patient on a fresh IV
Giddy as a gang banger with a set of sutures
Where his Magic Johnson ought to beYes, I'll tell you just the thing
You need to be the next big thing
Let's start in with a test of your intelligence
And zest for the counter productiveUp and down, and round about, and out the back
And keep your mouth shut tight
The lights are staying out but no sweat
I've got aim like a mack truckGuess how many fingers? Okay
Guess how many more I can fit there
Guess right get the toaster but you know
Miss, guessing gets you nowhereI've been baking cakes for the enemy
I've been dying to find out the hard way
I've been taking friends to the alleyway
Two down now but who's counting anyway?Yes, I can do everything
You need from out of my new SUV
All my work is guaranteed
To last the length of your recoveryPut away those pliers, honey
Trust me 'cause I know the options
How about a nine month long vacation
And a two foot coffinI've been getting up, close and intimate
Some close calls but I'm getting into it
In some states they say, you can burn for it
But I'll burn that bridge when I get to itIt's not a bad thing
To get professional
It's got a nice ring
Mandy goes to med schoolAnd I've been taking tips from the government
I've been getting damn good at hiding it
Fifty bucks a month ought to cover it
Two down now but who's gonna notice it?And if you show up and I am unavailable
My partner Brian, would love to take care of youHe is a nice man
Thoroughly reliable
He's in a rock band
And he goes to med schoolOh, he goes to med school
Oh, oh, he goes to med school