We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose
And we all know Frosty who's made out of snow
But all of those stories seem kind of gay
`Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday
Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Small and brown, he comes from you
Sit on the toilet, here he comes
Squeeze him 'tween your festive buns
A present from down below
Spreading joy with a "Howdy-Ho"
He's seen the love inside of you
`Cause he's a piece of poo
Sometimes he's nutty
Sometimes he's corny
He can be brown or greenish brown
(Mmmm mm)
But if you eat fibre on Christmas Eve
He might come to your town
Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
He loves me, I love you
Therefore, vicariously, he loves you
I can make a Mr. Hankey too! (pffffft)
Cartman: Well, Kyle, where is he?
Kyle: Ehh, he's coming
Stan: Come on dude, push
Kyle: Ehhhh, I'm trying
Cartman: Wait, wait, I can see his head
Kyle: Here he comes
Mr. Hankey: Howdy Ho
I'm Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Seasons Greetings to all of you
Let's sing songs and dance and play
Now before I melt away
Here's a game I like to play
Stick me in your mouth and try to say
Howdy ho ho yum yum yum
Christmas Time has come
Sometimes he's runny
Sometimes he's firm
Sometimes he practically water
Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass
And wont fall in the toilet
'Cause he's just clinging to your sphincter
And he wont drop off and so you shake your ass around
And try to get it to drop in the toilet and finally it does
Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
When Christmas leaves, he must leave too
Flush him down but he's never gone
His smell and his spirit linger on
Howdy Ho
Lyrics Submitted by Commander Kakapo