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Nine Plan Failed

After nine years in the army

They took away his brain

They tattooed 'Defect' on his brow

And signed him up again

He killed ten thousand Germans

A hundred Japanese

A family of Hindus

And a lot of Portuguese, nine plan failed

I could never see the point

Of showing them you're boss

When they drag you through the city streets

And nail you to a cross

They took him to the office

They strapped him to the bed

They fastened lots of pretty wires

Securely to his head

They wheeled him down the corridor

Upon a metal trolley

Now he wears big spectacles

And he sings like Buddy Holly, nine plan failed

I could never see the point

Of showing them you're boss

When they drag you through the city streets

And nail you to a cross

The world declared its armistice

And took away his guns

And now he satisfies himself

On piss-week, tea and buns

On piss-week, tea and buns

Oh oh, at the disco

Rome is very pretty and Rome is very grand

But the Pope lost his four fingers

When they gave this boy his hand to kiss

When they gave this boy his hand to kiss

It wasn't funny, no

He wasn't very good at school

His highest grade was C

But he believed the managers

When they said,"You leave it all to me"

They gave him suits from Seville Row

The quality so fine

So now he sits in the desert wastes

Just waiting for a sign, nine plan failed

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