Only An Expert

Now only an expert can deal with the problem

Because half the problem is seeing the problem

And only an expert can deal with the problem

Only an expert can deal with the problemSo if theres no expert dealing with the problem

Its really actually twice the problem

Cause only an expert can deal with the problem

Only an expert can deal with the problemNow in America we like solutions

We like solutions to problems

And theres so many companies that offer solutions

Companies with names like Pet Solution

The Hair Solution. The Debt Solution. The World Solution. The Sushi Solution.

Companies with experts ready to solve the problems.

Cause only an expert can see theres a problem

And only an expert can deal with the problem

Only and expert can deal with the problemNow lets say youre invited to be on Oprah

And you dont have a problem

But you want to go on the show, so you need a problem

So you invent a problem

But if youre not an expert in problems

Youre probably not going to invent a very plausible problem

And so youre probably going to get nailed

Youre going to get exposed

Youre going to have to bow down and apologize

And beg for the publics forgiveness.

Cause only an expert can see theres a problem

And only an expert can deal with the problem

Only an expert can deal with the problemNow on these shows, the shows that try to solve your problems

The big question is always How can I get control?

How can I take control?

But dont forget this is a question for the regular viewer

The person whos barely getting by.

The person whos watching shows about people with problems

The person whos part of the 60% of the U.S. population

1.3 weeks away, 1.3 pay checks away from homelessness.

In other words, a person with problems.

So when experts say, Lets get to the root of the problem

Lets take control of the problem

So if you take control of the problem you can solve the problem.

Now often this doesnt work at all because the situation is completely out of control.

Cause only an expert can deal with the problem

Only an expert can deal with the problem

Only an expert can deal with the problemSo who are these experts?

Experts are usually self-appointed people or elected officials

Or people skilled in sales techniques, trained or self-taught

To focus on things that might be identified as problems.

Now sometimes these things are not actually problems.

But the expert is someone who studies the problem

And tries to solve the problem.

The expert is someone who carries malpractice insurance.

Because often the solution becomes the problem.

Cause only an expert can deal with the problem

Only an expert can deal with the problem

Only an expert can deal with the problemNow sometimes experts look for weapons.

And sometimes they look everywhere for weapons.

And sometimes when they dont find any weapons

Sometimes other experts say, If you havent found any weapons

It doesnt mean there are no weapons.

And other experts looking for weapons find things like cleaning fluids.

And refrigerator rods. And small magnets. And they say,

These things may look like common objects to you

But in our opinion, they could be weapons.

Or they could be used to make weapons.

Or they could be used to ship weapons.

Or to store weapons.

Cause only an expert can see they might be weapons

And only an expert can see they might be problems.

Cause only an expert can deal with the problem

Only an expert can deal with the problem

Only an expert can deal with the problemAnd sometimes, if its really really really hot.

And its July in January.

And theres no more snow and huge waves are wiping out cities.

And hurricanes are everywhere.

And everyone knows its a problem.

But if some of the experts say its no problem

And other experts claim its no problem

Or explain why its no problem

Then its simply not a problem.

But when an expert says its a problem

And makes a movie and wins an Oscar about the problem

Then all the other experts have to agree that it is most likely a problem.

Cause only an expert can deal with the problem

Only an expert can deal with the problem

Only an expert can deal with the problemAnd even though a county can invade another country.

And flatten it. And ruin it. And create havoc and civil war in that other country

If the experts say that its not a problem

And everyone agrees that theyre experts good at seeing problems

Then invading that country is simply not a problem.

And if a country tortures people

And holds citizens without cause or trial and sets up military tribunals

This is also not a problem.

Unless theres an expert who says its the beginning of a problem.

Cause only an expert can deal with the problem

Only an expert can deal with the problem

Only an expert can deal with the problemOnly an expert can see theres a problem

And see the problem is half the problem

And only an expert can deal with the problem

Only an expert can deal with the problem