Puff for my class action, then hire me
We'll sue tobacco companies
And I'll get contingent fees
Rolled into a paper with tar and nicotine
In every pack of cigarettes
There is a cash machine
So, puff for my class action, then hire me
We'll sue tobacco companies
And I'll get contingent fees
Puff for my class action, then you will see
We'll get a giant settlement
That's divisible by three!
Together we will profit from addiction industry
Light one for Joe Camel
'Cause the lawsuit sets you free
Burn marks on your clothing
And yellow fingernails
Means you'll proudly say out loud:
"Of course I did inhale!"
So, puff for my class action, then hire me
We'll sue tobacco companies
And I'll get contingent fees
Puff for my class action, then you will see
We'll get a giant settlement
That's divisible by three!
Class actions take forever
Defendants might go broke
Just in case your lawsuit and my fees
go up in smoke...
There's another habit and another legal fee
The next wave of class actions:
The liquor industry!
So, chug for my class action, then hire me
We'll sue the liquor companies
And I'll get contingent fees
Puff for my class action, then pour a drink
We'll have a smoke and make a toast
To a billion dollar fee!
Lyrics Submitted by Gregory B Acedo