The school Christmas party is coming
We ain't doing rugby no more
McIntyres teaching us waltzing
Out on the gymnasium floor
Out on the gymnasium floorMcIntyres out of the army
Youll be slippered if you get it one
McIntyre's dim, looms loud in the gym
Well, we've only got our little shorts on
We've only got our little shorts onAnd it's 1, 2, 3, 2, 2, were all a disgrace
McIntyre tore us apart
And we danced with ourselves
When wed all find a space
Waltzing with fear in our hearts
Waltzing with fear in our heartsComes the day of the big final manoeuvres
All of our heads are a whirl
Its getting much closer to D day
This time we're gonna do it with girls
This time we're gonna do it with girlsIn the arena the ladies were waiting
A twelve year old partner to guide
Some matches were fixed, the rest of us mixed
And a fat girl got left at the side
A fat girl got left at the sideAnd it's 1, 2, 3, 2, 2, were all a disgrace
McIntyre tore us apart
And we danced with ourselves
When wed all find a space
Waltzing with fear in our hearts
Waltzing with fear in our heartsWhen you come to my face
And I am under the lights
And you see that my footwork is false
Don't count me out at the start of the bow
I'm just doing the secondary waltz
Doing the secondary waltz