Sleestak Lightning

I send pictures through the mail

Well documented and very detailed

To politicians and big celebrities,

But none of them are believing in me

And I await their response

Some send none, most send cops

But man it’s a dire situation

And I will risk the public humiliation

Sleestak lightning on my trail

It’s a dire situation, they are on my trail

West Virginia has its Moth Man,

Pan handlers’ got their Skunk Ape.

But I have a tazer and night vision goggles,

Costco rolls of black duct tape.

It’s got red eyes, it’s got razor claws,

It’s got green skin, no it ain’t a meth-head.

And after studying its behavior, objectively and critically,

I believe I have a reliable method.