If you are what you say you are, a superstar
Then have no fear, the camera's here
And the microphone's
And they wanna know oh, oh, oh, ohYeah, uh, a fresh cool young Lu
Tryna' catch his microphone check two, one, two
Wanna' believe my own hype but it's too untrue
The world brought me to my knees, what have you brung you?Did you improve on the design? Did you do somethin' new?
Well ya' name ain't on the guest list, who brung you?
You, the more famous person you come through
And the sexy lady next to you, you come tooAnd then it hit me, standin' outside of heaven
Waitin' for God to come and get me, I'm too uncouth
Unschooled to the rules and too gum shoe
Too much of a new comer and too uncoolLike Shadow and Lavelle, I battle with it well
Though I need holiday like lady who sung, "Blue"
Go back, whatever you did you undo
Heavy as heaven, the devil on me, two ton's tooIf you are what you say you are, a superstar
Then have no fear, the camera's here
And the microphone's
And they wanna know oh, oh, oh, oh, yeahAnd you better wear your shades
The spotlights here, can burn holes through the stage
Down to the basement, pass the Indian graves
Where the dinosaurs laidAnd out through China, nearly misses airliners
Magnified times five, 'less it's pointed at the rhymer
Ricochets off the moon and sets the forest ablaze
Now that's important to say'Cause even with all that, most of us don't want it to fade
The audience ain't fazed, they ain't gonna clap
And they ain't gonna praise
They want everything back that they've paid
'Cause they've been waitin' since ten to see the lights get dimIf you are what you say you are, a superstar
Then have no fear, the crowd is here
And the lights are on
And they wanna show, oh, oh, oh, oh yeahSo chauffeur, chauffeur, come and take me away
'Cause I've been standin' in this line for like five whole days
Me and security ain't gettin' along
And when I got to the front, they told me all of the tickets were goneSo just take me home where the mood is mellow
And the roses are grown, M&M's are yellow
And the light bulbs around my mirror don't flicker
Everybody gets a nice autograph pictureOne for you and one for your sister
Who had to work tonight but is an avid listener
Every song's a favorite song and mics don't feedback
All the reviewers say, "You need to go and see that"And everybody claps 'cause everybody is pleased
And then they all take the stage and start performin' for me
Like, ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha haIf you are what you say you are, a superstar
Then have no fear, the camera's here
And the microphone's
And they wanna know, oh, oh, oh, oh
If you are what you say you are