Young Gladys was a silky maiden
At thirteen, she was going strong, yeah, oh, Gladys
Nicely filled out, fully laden
But down below there was something wrong, yeah, oh, GladysNobody told her about the secrets that ladies have to hide
Mom had no words to describe the things that happened inside
Need someone to help me, I feel that there's a curse on me, ohWent down into the local disco
For what used to be the one night, yeah, oh Gladys
Felt a searching hand to frisk her
Along the legs of the water line, yeah, oh GladysNow Gladys knew she was in no condition in no mood to play
I cracked a knee in her soft spot, nothing, had got in her way
I want no one to touch me, I feel there's a curse on me, ohDirected down to the local drugstore
Got fixed up, now she's doing fine, yeah, oh Gladys
Equipped with various kinds of apparatus
You know the feminine hygiene kind, yeah, oh GladysMust have been a man to do these things who won her fall from grace
That day he programmed Eve, you should have seen the smile on his face
He said, "You'll need someone to help you
When you feel like cursing me'', oh