Drumgoole, my dear, I must admit
Your life's been one long pile of shit
I must be nuts, at least a bit
To want to be involved in it
But given the alternative
Who knows how we'd be forced to live?
When worlds collide, when worlds collide?
With you, drumgoole, at my side
And at my side!
And at my side!
With worlds colliding in on us
Drumgoole must be trigamous
Pray, say we shall be man and bride
And man and bride and man and bride!
When worlds collide, the chivalrous
Drumgoole performs the frivolous
And dares to make it man and bride
And man and bride and man and bride!
That one's mine, he's my concubine
He'll get more out of me
Than what you peons call "love"
Hands off him, that one's mine!
Your favors do not satisfy
I've witnesses who'll testify
And though drumgoole is thin of thigh
She's worth a try, she's worth a try
Though nature was not generous
Her breasts are not as pendulous
Yet still they would be man and bride
And man and bride and man and bride!
Now according to the law this week
Still evolving even as we speak
Any woman may, at her discretion
Have her pick of losers
Since the breed has dropped so in quality
We abolish, hereby, monagomy
If you don't quite fancy this selection
We've got lots more losers
I've seen all that I need to see
I've fallen for their flattery
And so we shall be man and bride
And man and bride and man and bride!
When world's collide, the rest of us
Won't be here with the best of us
For these, they shall be man and bride
And man and bride and man and bride!
Correct me, honey
I smell no money
And when the chips are down
You'll be back around this finger here
I never said that I was in love with you
I never said that I was not, my dear
Why must this girl have everything?
How quickly he forgets the sting
For though she feigns to please him
She is talentless except to tease him
Don't think we haven't noticed
We'll have a shower
And I'll allow her
She seems amused with you
It's so hard to keep her entertained
We'll all go "nudies"
And you can bring your friends
Just keep the one who's nuts for tits restrained!
My long term memory
Is not what it should be
Some tiny spark of love
Helps me find the proper words to say
Your smell of money
You filthy, lying bitch
Is just about to make me puke!
Go away
Please go away!
It's time to make us man and bride
And man and bride and man and bride!
We've simplified, no muss, no fuss
And vows are now superfluous
I just declare you man and bride
And man and bride and man and bride!
Wait a minute! wait a minute!
Georgianna, get over here with that law book
Listen up everybody
I've the law book right in front of me
Article sixteen dash thirty-three
"when consenting adults shack together
They're connected legally"
Though he wants to eat and have his cake
There's a pact with me he cannot break
So the rest of you go rot forever
This one will stay here with me
When worlds collide, the devious
The cunning, and the mischevious
Our not-yet-happy-home divide
When worlds collide, when worlds collide
When worlds collide, this friend of us
Is forced to be a succubus
Cruel fate is not upon our side
When worlds collide, when worlds collide
Connie! connie!
This urgent telegram is just in from parliament
Well don't just stand there, let's gloat over it
Aw oh, I don't think you're going to like this
"must clear the old regime' away
The residue must be destroyed
As of 9:00 o'clock today
Contracts with men are null and void"
What!
You're free, my boy, I'm proud to say
And so without further delay
I now declare you man and bride
And man and bride and man and bride!
When worlds collide, the least of us
May get to share the feast with us
For now we four are man and bride
'til worlds collide, 'til worlds collide
We're men and bride!