Host (Danny):
Hello, and welcome back to another episode of 'Talking Video Games'.
*clapping*
Host (Danny):
We continue today in our series of games with simple plots.
Guests, please introduce yourselves and tell us the plots of your games.
Chef (Arin):
I'm the chef from Burger Time! I make-a the burgers!
*clapping*
Centipede (Danny):
Hello, I'm Centipede. I just, kinda move down the screen.
*clapping*
Snake (Arin):
Hey, I'm Snake from Metal Gear Solid.
My game's got a pretty simple story.
Host (Danny):
Snake, I don't see your name on the list.
Snake (Arin):
Ah, my friend Cloud Strife told me to come on this show
and talk about it...
Host (Danny):
Oh god, no.
Snake (Arin):
It was the distant future, 2005
All I wanted to do was chill out and retire
But genetically enhanced, renegades named Foxhound
Stole a bunch of nukes and had shit on lockdown.
Host (Danny):
Okay, we're past our time with you, Snake.
Snake (Arin):
Colonel Campbell said I had to infiltrate
Before they started nuclear conflicts.
What a bunch of jerks!
Host (Danny):
You're a bag of dicks.
Snake (Arin):
I climbed through an air vent and saved two guys
They shared top secrets and suddenly died
of two heart attacks right out of thin air
All within five minutes!
Host (Danny):
OH MY GOD, I DON'T CARE!
Snake (Arin):
Then I met Meryl, a hot box of rocks
And I fought a gunslinger named Ocelot
But a cyborg ninja cut his hand away
You know, normal shit that happens every day?
Host (Danny):
Listen Snake, there must have been a mistake
On this show you've got to get right to the point of your game.
Like the ship from Galaga
Ship (Ross):
Hi, I shoot stuff in space?
Host (Danny):
And this car from Pole Position.
Car (Arin):
I'M A CAR!
Host (Danny):
That's great!
You know we've been through this before with your boy, Cloud Strife
And he talked too long. I contemplated ending my life.
So let's keep things nice and simple like that hero over there
From the Atari game 'Adventure'
Square? (Arin):
I'M LITERALLY JUST A YELLOW SQUARE!
Snake (Arin):
Who cares?
I tried real hard to find a mech named Rex
Then the ninja came back in the mix like Chex
It was Grey Fox and I fought Vulcan Raven
A big motherfucking Alaskan shaman
So I killed that guy. Before he died...
He said Meryl liked me, I almost cried
She's a little hottiepants, ooh, me-ow
Host (Danny):
It would be so great if you died right now!
Snake (Arin)
I killed Sniper Wolf
Who was absurdly hot
And then murdered three guys and an evil robot
'Till Liquid Snake and I were left alone
He said that I was his brother and a superior clone
Then he died of a virus and thinking fast
Meryl saved us
Host (Danny):
I don't give a frog's fat ass!
Snake (Arin):
Then we stayed for dinner, till the seven year itch,
And now you know the simple plot of Metal Gear, bitch!
Host (Danny):
Listen Snake, I've taken all I can take
Just because your game is simple doesn't mean that it's lame
Tell the kid from Paper Boy
Paper Boy (Arin):
YO, I'LL DELIVER THOSE PAPERS!
Host (Danny):
And the guy from Elevator Action
Guy (Ross):
Uh, elevators...
Host (Danny):
OKAY!
Dear god, why can't I just have a single panel of guests,
Who can say their plots in 40-fucking-minutes or less?
Now just watch me Snake, before you make me reach for a gun
I'll summarize your game and show you how this shit is really motherfucking
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOO-ONE!
(how it's motherfucking-)
DOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOO-OOONE!
You sneak around and save the world! THE END!
My god, can I get replacement guest with a simple plot please?
Sora (Arin):
Hi! I'm Sora from Kingdom Hearts!
Host (Danny):
Dan: NOOOOOOOO!
---
Lyrics submitted by Samantha.