I've been married and married,
And often I've sighed,
I'm never a bridesmaid,
I'm always the bride.
I never divorced them-
I hadn't the heart.
Yet remember these sweet words
"Till death do us part."I married many men,
A ton of them,
Because I was untrue to none of them
Because I bumped off ev'ry one of them
To keep my love aliveSir Paul was a frail;
He looked a wreck to me.
At night he was a horse's neck to me
So I performed an appendectomy
To keep my love alive.Sir Thomas had insomnia
He couldn't sleep at night.
I bought a little arsenic
He's sleeping now all right.Sir Philip played the harp;
I cussed the thing.
I crowned with his harp
To bust the thing.
And now he plays where harps are
Just the thing,
To keep my love alive,
To keep my love alive.I thought Sir George had possibilities,
But his flirtations made me I'll at ease,
And when I'm I'll at ease
I kill at ease
To keep my love alive.Sir Charles came from a sanatorium
And yelled for drinks in my emporium
I mixed one drink
He's in memorium
To keep my love alive.Sir Francis was a singing bird
A nightingale. That's why
I tossed him off my balcony
To see if he could fly
Sir Athelstane indulged in fratricide;
He killed his dad and that was patricide
One night I stabbed him at my mattress side
To keep my love alive,
To keep my love alive.