MC Every Day Normal Guy:
Every day normal guy here to get the track started
My average lyrics are between genius and retarded
I drink tap water and watch all the CSIs
I put my thirty dollar pants on one leg at a time
I sleep eight hours a night and eat three meals a day
I'm motherfucking content, I got no reason to complain
I have a roof over my head and I got clothes on my back
My verse is done it wasn't great, but hey it wasn't that bad
MC Uses Time Machines Irresponsibly:
Yo I'm MC uses time machines irresponsibly
Went back and found Judas Iscariot in 33 AD
Gave him 31 pieces of silver to rat out the wrong guy
Then I planted Monsanto seeds in dinosaur time
Gave Bill Gates my iPhone in 1973
Then I traveled in time to the night that I was conceived
I met up with my parents and we hung out all night
Come to think of it they didn't have any alone time (Noooo..)
MC Nauseous:
MC nauseous up in this motherfucka
I don't feel so hot, shit I think that I am gonna (oooooohhh)
Why am I so sick, what I eat?
(Cat food will make expired yogurt taste less like cheese)
Oh right...
MC Cock Blocks Himself:
MC cock blocks himself, hey girl what's up?
You so sexy, we should probably hook up
Crawl in a hot tub with a bottle of champagne
By the way I have a girlfriend and I think I might have AIDS (where you goin?)
MC Necrophiliac:
MC necrophiliac where all my dead bodies at?
Crashing funerals just so that I can get a whiff of that
Decomposing bodies scent, my favorite aphrodisiac
Flat lining gives me a Pavlovian erection in my pants
Turn-offs include breathing, pulses, and signs of life
My turn-ons are rigor mortis, cold flesh, and suicide
If you're not stiff as a board, I won't be stiff and I'll be bored
Wait, what do we have here? Looks like I'm about to score
Chorus:
You have to be kidding me (what the fuck is going on?)
This can not be happening (I don't wanna do this any more)
This must be a bad dream (leave me alone)
Why am I still singing? (I motherfucking killed myself!)
MC Gets Sidetracked Easily:
Yo MC gets sidetracked easily back in the heezy
By heezy I mean house, not the show I think it's cheesy
My favorite show is Dexter, that guy was also in Six Feet Under
My first experience with death, I was just sixteen
My dog got run over by a truck and his head exploded
Like Robert Patrick in Terminator 2 when he's frozen
It's freezing in Iceland, I was just there on holiday
Hold on, I think I got lost again, what was I trying to say?
MC Who Couldn't Speak In The Present Tense:
I was MC who couldn't speak in the present tense
I'm gonna have a lot of money and my dick was immense
It would have been difficult, people assumed I was a retard
I'll have a serious problem, communicating was hard
MC Constipation:
Yo I'm MC constipation, it has been three days since
My last bowel movement, I'm starting to get impatient
Spending hours on the toilet, yet nothing ever comes of it
Intestines are like politicians, they're constantly full of shit
I wish my bowel movements were a little more like my rhymes
Always smooth and free flowing, it would save me a lot of time
Push for hours with no result, not even a brown Brussel sprout
My shit's like a gay Republican, it's not planning on coming out
MC Invisible:
Yo I'm MC invisible, you can't see me
The only rapper in this industry that can't be seen
By the naked eye, I won't lie, it's hard to get the fan base
When image is everything and I literally don't have a face
MC On The Phone With Ted Danson:
I'm MC on the phone with Ted Danson, keep it down
Skip to the next verse, I'm on the phone with Ted Danson, not now
Hold on Ted, I don't wanna be in the song anymore, leave me alone
This is more important, I'm on the phone with the guy who played Sam Malone
MC Confusing:
MC confusing rapping up the song
Like a Plasticine high five in a helicopter thong
I got ricochet highlights from the Fleet Fox's knife guy
We out like a rice fight in a vampires wife's life
Chorus:
Maybe this isn't so bad (better than my last job)
Taking it in the ass for cash (twenty bucks a pop)
Maybe things will turn around (being a zombie's pretty cool)
Things couldn't get worse anyhow