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You Hold Back

Have I lost it, have I lost it

or have I just bought in

to the bullshit

the mirrors

the smoke I traced back

to the faucet

leaking

into the sink covered in hair.

oh I see what you did there

you cut off your cares,

god it's so freeing,

time isn't fleeting.

It's pause and politeness,

it's judge and be triteness.

Your sensitivity and sex,

your rules and respect,

I haven't seen you follow any of it since two god damn years ago,

you got bored, you got tired, you gave up on filing

who pissed you off and who won you over.

This is a fashion, this is a formula,

this is contrasting colors in october,

you can't go against the grain

if there's no natural wood.

My friends all think i'm crying wolf.

You got caught up in the concept

and oh that's never good.

(I want to be happy, but i'm better when I'm mad)

So we make our own monuments

out of our favorite bridges and buildings.

The old ones were boring,

they didn't mean anything to us.

I know it seems so immature,

all these questions I want answers for,

but I can't put faith into anything

I can't physically touch.

I want to be happy

but I'm holding myself back

but a love handles

and it holds back.

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