A Nice Place To Visit... Lyrics

I take a look around
think of places I have been
there really aren't too many
I would like to see again
I've been to 30
8 of 50 states
most of them I'd shut down
3 or 4 of them are great
back on the east coast
dc's a little shit hole
you'll freeze to death in JERSEY
but florida's the best
I think I would rather have
prostate cancer
than visit oklahoma
it's those Sooner's I detest
when I see the coast
I'm at home at last

take the Lincoln Monument
and cram it up your ass
Jesus-MotherFucking-Christ, a giant ball of yarn!
don't forget to see that thing
when you're on your way to Yuma
KOA is A-OK
but they ain't got no Shoney's
I love turquoise
and shells of abalone
testicular tumors
sound so much nicer
than seeing Dollywood
in the hills of tennessee
sentence me to life
in a tijuana prison
I don't really care
feed Dorito's to the bears
fireworks here and there
California is for me
m-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-(FART!)-i!
zillions of mosquitos are
gnawing on my thigh
I really love antiquing
I bought some decoy ducks
in some states your sister
is the only one you fuck
the nascar whores of north carolina
with ovarian cysts
the size of missouri
do yourself and stay in California
bye...bye...bye....goodbye!