Well, I love New York like everyone
And I go to Las Vegas to chill
I like Denver, Colorado 'cause it's so laid back
And Chicago keeps it real
Well, I only leave Dallas when I have to but
When I do I like Tulsa, okay
And I ain't got nothing against California
But I can't stand L.A.
Well, Orlando Florida is humid but it's swell
Austin and Nashville both freakin' rock
And New Orleans is evil but it's part of the appeal
You can gamble, drink and swear until you drop
The state of Ohio's been great to our band
Along with Philli and Green Bay
I got nothing but love for Hollywood
But I can't stand L.A.
I like Salt Lake City, Portland, Frisco, Santa Fe
Indianapolis, Hartford too
Boise, Memphis, Souix Falls and of course KC
Along with Pittsburgh and Kalamazoo
Atlanta is our home away from home
And here's a shout out to Sauget
And I wish my friends would leave that place
'Cause I can't stand L.A.
Traffic sucks, no protected lefts
Snooty fucks, pollution fills the air
Gang fights, 7 dollar beers
And the threat of breaking off into the sea
And now to give LA the benefit of the doubt
Jimmy Kimmel In and Out and great sushi
And diversity everywhere
Really hot chicks wearing next to nothing
And the Santa Monica Pier
Thank you for our hair metal and the '84 Olympics
And for the BFS radio play
But please don't take this personally
No, I'm happy to visit but I'm happier to leave
And I guess what it is I'm trying to say is I can't stand L.A.