Pirelli's Miracle Elixir Lyrics

Ladies and gentlemen
May I have your attention please?
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is covered with hair
What ought not to be there?Well, ladies and gentlemen
From now on you can waken with ease
You need never again have a worry or care
I will show you a miracle marvelous rare
Gentlemen, you are about to see something
What rose from the dead on the top of my head'Twas Pirelli's Miracle elixir
That's what did the trick, sir
True, sir, true, was it quick, sir?
Did it in a tick, sir
Just like an elixir ought to doHow about a bottle, mister?
Only costs a penny, guaranteed
Penny buys a bottle, I don't know
You don't need, ah, let's goGo ahead and tug, sir
Go ahead, sir, harder

Does Pirelli's stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir'Tis unique, rub a minute
Stimulatin', in'it?
Soon you'll have to thin it
Once a weekGently dab it, gets to be a habit
Soon there'll be enough, sir
Somebody can grab it
See that chap with hair like Shelley's?
You can tell 'e's used Pirelli'sLet me have a bottle
Make that two
Pardon me, sir, what's that awful stink?
Smells to me like piss and looks like inkBuy Pirelli's Miracle elixir
Anything what's slick, sir
Soon sprouts curls, try Pirelli's
When they see how thick, sir
You can have your pick, sir, of the girlsSee Pirelli's Miracle elixir
Grow a little wick, sir
Then some fuzz, the Pirelli's
Soon'll make it thick, sir
Like a good elixir always doesTrust Pirelli's
If your hair is sick, sir
Fix it in a nick, sir
Don't look grim
Just Pirelli's miracle elixir
That'll do the trick, sirWhat about the money?
If you've got a kick, sir
What about the money?
Where is this Pirelli?
Go and get PirelliTell it to the mixer
Of the miracle elixir
If you've got a kick, sir
What about our money?
Where is this Pirelli?
Songwriters
Stephen SondheimPublished by
RILTING MUSIC, INC. Song Discussions is protected by U.S. Patent 9401941. Other patents pending.