Telephone Opera Lyrics

Last night, I tried to get myself a girl for
A double date with my roommate.
I called some girls I thought were very pretty—
They said they’d all return my call.
And so, I sat awaiting their responses—
I was at home, right by the phone
When suddenly a quite alarming noise came—
It was a ring—a ding-a-ling…
(ring, ring)
It was Becky, Becky, calling with the news
That she’d caught the seven hour flu.
“Don’t be surprised,” she said,
“if I’m in class tomorrow afternoon.
I’m relatively sure that I’ll be feeling better soon.”
(repeat)
Unsure of how to handle this rejection
I gave a laugh, “Ha ha!” to shake it off.
Flus come in many different shapes and sizes—

Some hard to shake, some small and FAKE!
And so, when I’d sufficiently recovered
(I had the two minute flu) “Achoo!”
And suddenly a wondrous melody surrounded me—
It was the tone of my dear phone…
It was Laura, Laura calling me to share
That she’s staying home to wash her hair.
She said, “I think that it might take all night
Because my hair’s so big!”
This saddens me because
I’m pretty sure she wears a wig.
(repeat)
Determined to convince a girl to date me
I took a look on old Facebook.
I scanned the lengthy phonebook in my cell phone…
I logged on to Match.com.
And just when I had given up all hope of
Finding a date (it was so late),
That same familiar tone came loudly sounding—
My heart did leap! It skipped a beat!
It was Jenny, Jenny, calling me to tell
That she’d, sadly, fallen down a well.
“It’s very deep!” she said,
“I’m probably down a mile, or maybe two!
But somehow I have coverage
And so I can talk to you.”
(repeat)
There was Jackie, who had stubbed her little toe,
Cindy said she’s stuck in traffic—Oh!
And both Miranda and Eileen
Claimed to have moved to Vietnam!
I gave up on these girls and just invited my dear mom.
This whole night just reminds me of my senior prom!
Lyrics Submitted by Ron Morrill