The Cheque's In the Post Lyrics

Me and my lawyer sat down and worked out
The full cost of the wrongs I have done you
And I'm sending the money to you
The cheque's in the postFor giving you hell
When I should have been treating you well
Reparation: five hundred five pound notes in a rollFor remarks about your weight
For complaining when you were late
Compensation: two thousand pounds, the going rateFor the times we were out
And my eye kept roving about
Settling on younger women: Fifteen hundred, say it's forgivenRunning total: six thousand three hundred and fifty pounds
With tax added on
And that's just the end of verse oneFor attacking your superstition
Your pantheistic new age religion
Let's say the sum of one thousand seven hundred and ninety sevenWhen I said your new dress wasn't splendid
When I told you the way the film ended
I guess I was wrong, accept this token: seven thousand poundsAnd for passing the pictures I'd taken
Of your body totally naked
Around all our friends, let's call it a round nine thousand poundsRunning total: twenty four thousand one hundred and forty seven pounds

On its way to you
And this is just the end of verse twoMe and my lawyer sat down and worked out
The real cost of the wrongs I have done you
And I'm sending the money to you
The cheque's in the postAnd for my next indiscretion
When we had sex on the floor of the kitchen
I sang it in a song: accept ten thousand - make that eleven thousand - poundsAnd for failing to give enough time
To the baby that could have been mine
It's not that I don't care, my love, it's just so hard
to find a figureWorst of all I stopped loving your body
Making you feel so low
Though my lawyer says no blame can be apportioned
For circumstances beyond my control
So now I'm all paid up
And absolved from this guilt
I'm going to get another girl in
Under my quilt
And run up
Another massive debtHail Mary
Pray for me now
Now and at the hour of my death
(Ba-ba-da ba-ba-da ba-ba-da)
(Ba-ba-da ba-ba-da ba-ba-da)
Songwriters
NICHOLAS CURRIEPublished by
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC