The Pan Drap Song Lyrics

The Pan Drap Song
Words & Music by Kenneth McKellar
1. My Granny had a sweet tooth, the only one she got, a monument to local sweetie shops.
Although her life was dreary, she managed to be cheery after sixty years of sucking lemon drops.
2. She gave up dolly mixtures¹ for an evening at the pictures. I know, for sometimes she would bring along.
I would sit upon her lap, share a sugarallie
strap², and going home she’d sing this song:
(Refrain) Give me a pan drap, a pan drap,
the thing that’s made me what I am today.
It’s strong, it’s white, it tastes just right,
It chases all the nasty smells away!
I need a pan drap, a pan drap, I need it now
And I will tell you why:
Oh, besides my Adam’s apple, a pan drap’ll wet my thrapple³
And it always puts a twinkle in my eye!

3. When she was eighty-three, Granny got the M.B.E. for services to Scotland’s sweetie trade.
The only ones who knocked her were a dentist and a doctor! She set a bad example, so they said.
4. But she was proud like Alice to be summoned to the palace, and the family shed a patriotic tear,
When Her Majesty bent down, said to Philip “Hold my crown”, and whispered into Granny’s ear:
(Refrain)
5. The day that Granny died, with the family by her side, was the day we all remembered on our street.
She had had some ginger fudge, and as far as we could judge, assumed that it was going down a treat.
6. But then we heard the groan. Halfway through a Toblerone, a toffee apple dropped upon her chest.
It was then we feared the worst, for her bubblegum had burst! But I still recall her last request:
(Refrain)
(Final additional line:) Yes, it always puts a twinkle in my eye!
Footnotes:
(1) Dolly mixture is a British confection, consisting of a variety of multi-coloured fondant shapes, such as cubes and cylinders, with subtle flavorings. The mixture consists of small soft sweets and sugar-coated jellies.
(2) Sugarallie strap is a licorice stick.
(3) Thrapple = throat.
M.B.E.: The Most Excellent Order of the British Empire is a British order of chivalry, rewarding contributions to the arts and sciences, work with charitable and welfare organizations, and public service outside the civil service.
Lyrics Submitted by Barron Bianco