To Litigate Lyrics

To sue - or better yet to litigate
For lawsuits are the love of my life
Just don't make me go to trial
I'll dream I'll get a case to litigate
With venue fights and experts galore
And pleadings to jam the file
Some attorneys think the goal of litigation is
to be prepared for trial
But avoiding jury verdicts is the essence
of a litigator's style
And so, if jury work is not for you
Remember you can litigate too
The secret is not to try!
Review what other people litigate
Pretending that we knew what to do

If only we tried the case
Construe the care law and the evidence
Preserving every error of law
Long after the case is through
We will challenge every ruling and we'll
file a supersedes bond, too
And no one will see a penny but the lawyers
until everything is through
And when the case is finally cert denied
We'll never put the blame on ourselves
"Cause we're not the ones who tried
You lose...appeal denied
No shame...no blame
The secret is not to try!
Lyrics Submitted by Gregory B Acedo