Some men are born to greatness; others face a cruel, relentless flavor of temptation. They suffer for hours, perhaps even weeks, as fate dangles success and fulfillment in front of them like a twenty-dollar prostitute who, upon removing her panties, unveils an artificial penis. What does a sane man do in these situations? How would Jesse Helms respond? As Friedrich Nietzsche wrote—and he would know, really—when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

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