Dichotomized - Emily Joy

Dichotomized Lyrics

Well I am barely holding on to the fragments of who I once thought I was.
And I've been searching for comfort like hidden treasure
Buried under mountains of sin while I'll have to keep digging forever
X never marks the spot cause there's no rest when all I am doing is moving from fix to fix to keep from thinking about how scared I am that it seems like there is nothing between me and going crazy
I was following a light, but that light is fading and now it's just this tiny imperceptible point and I don't see the point of running after it. I am one flame in a lot of dark rooms
and I don't always know how to stay lit
and I'm afraid that everyone expects me to be a fire that never flickers and never fades
and most certainly never goes out
but more often than not these days
I'm just trying not to be swallowed by the darkness and failing
and I keep asking God to tell me who I am
But I can't hear him over all the profanity and the lies that I'm believing
as if my words were a trumpet I'm sounding to drown him out even while I cry for help
and in a moment of clarity, I say my life feels dichotomized
and nobody knows what that means
You are worth so much more
I was so badly to scream
but the train is coming and we can't hear anything above the roar of the wheels on the tracks

like our hearts speeding towards the next station only to loop right back
and I want to draw them a map and sing
He restoreth my soul and leadeth me in righteous paths
Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death as if I believe it
and I used to believe it
and someday I will again
but right now I'm barely holding onto the love that saved me from sin
and I don't know who I am
the whore or the virgin
or just a girl with a heart as dark as death itself and a white washed tomb for skin
and I need a resurrection in Jesus
I know you're risen, but I don't know how to die to self so I can live again
so crucify me right up there with you Jesus
stick those nails through my hands
stretch my arms apart so my heart is open wide enough for you to cut it out
put that crown of thorns on my head until I have bled enough to need you
and when you pierce your side, can I die with you? Can I rise with you? Can I put to death the flesh and give it all to you?
Cause I'm barely holding onto you Jesus and I need you to hold onto me
I need you to heal the halves of this dichotomy and make me a whole person and make me free
make me unashamed to speak
and make my life worthy in Jesus
when I lose my grip, reach your bleeding hands over the edge of that cliff
fold me up inside the crevices
and be my sin who knew no sin
Jesus be my resurrection
Lyrics Submitted by Jclark