Lard Lyrics

LARD
By: The Green Chili Jam Band
My dues were paid, a long time ago in the fourth grade,
When Mrs. Brown got it in her head,
“It’s time to learn the insulative property,” she said.
“Of blubber on a polar bear. A little blubber here and a little blubber there.
The lesson is fun. It isn’t very hard. To demonstrate I’ll give you each a bag of lard.”
“LARD?” “Yes LARD!” she said and forged right ahead.
She lead us to a bucket of ice and said, “Experiment, explore, experiment, explore,”
but she got a little more, she got a little more,
she got a little more than she bargained for.
Cuz we got LARD on our shirts and LARD on our shorts
and LARD on our binders and our book reports.
And Mrs. Brown panicked when she got it in her hair,
but when she went to grab some paper towels, LARD was there.

Well, I ran to get some help but there was lard on knob so we couldn’t get out,
so we started to shout, “LARD. LARD.”
Which no one understood so somebody hollered, “Fire.” Which worked too good.
Cuz everybody came. The hotshot crews, the principal,
the mayor, and The Channel 7 News.
And they got LARD on their shirts and LARD on their shorts,
and “Live coverage,” on their news reports.
And Mrs. Brown got dizzy and she fell into her chair,
but she wasn’t in it long cuz LARD was there.
Some stories end, when all the dust is settled and the good guys win,
but this one here got a little out of hand and some now claim that a legend began.
When the best minds in the country tried to set us free.
And now we’re in the history books of S-C-I-E-N-C-E.
Cuz they all got LARD on our shirts and LARD on our shorts
and LARD on their rulers and their scuzzy (SCSI) ports.
And some senator declared, “Make the president aware.”
But when he went to get that red phone, LARD was there.
LARD on our shirts and LARD on our shorts
and LARD on our binders and our book reports, and
Mrs. Brown wrote a book, and became a millionaire,
but when she went they handed her the Pulitzer, LARD was there.
LARD, oh man it’s on… LARD, there planets on… LARD, android from asteroids
and when the cosmonauts returned from their journey, who knows where,
they analyzed the specimens and LARD was there.
LARD, at the White House, LARD, on the queen’s blouse,
had a special luncheon on the south lawn, right before a dignitary spoke
he ran his fingers through his hair but he couldn’t give his speech
because LARD was there. LARD, LARD, LARD… LARD!
Lyrics Submitted by llowe