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I starred in every high school play<br /> Blew every drama teacher away<br /> I graduated first in my class at Juilliard<br /> Took every acting workshop I could<br /> And I dreamed of Hollywood<br /> While I read my Uta Hagen and studied the Bard<br /> <br /> Hit the boards and paid my dues<br /> And got phenomenal rave reviews<br /> I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt<br /> I was sure that Tarantino would be callin' me on the phone<br /> Annie Leibovitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone<br /> But the years have come and gone<br /> And I'm sorry to say that's not the way that it's all worked out<br /> <br /> I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride<br /> Skipper Dan is the name<br /> And I'm doin' 34 shows every day<br /> And every time it's the same<br /> Look at those hippos, they're wigglin' their ears<br /> Just like they've done for the last 50 years<br /> Now I'm laughin' at my own jokes but I'm cryin' inside<br /> 'Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride<br /> <br /> Oh, the critics, they used to say<br /> I was the new Olivier<br /> Thought I'd be the toast of Sundance or maybe Cannes<br /> Aw, but don't bother tryin' to IMDb me<br /> The only place you might possibly see me<br /> Is ridin' my little boat around Adventureland<br /> It ain't exactly what I planned<br /> <br /> But I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride<br /> Skipper Dan is the name<br /> And I'm doin' 34 shows every day<br /> And every time it's the same<br /> I would've killed if I'd been in "Speed The Plow"<br /> But what's the difference, that's all behind me now<br /> 'Cause I'm payin' the rent and I'm swallowin' my pride<br /> And I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride<br /> <br /> I should be there on Broadway<br /> Knockin' 'em dead in "12 Angry Men"<br /> But instead I'm here tellin' these lame jokes<br /> Again and again and again and again and again and again and again<br /> <br /> Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet!<br /> That's an African bull elephant...<br /> And there it is, the backside of water!<br /> What have I done with my life?!<br /> <br /> I shoulda listened when my grandfather said<br /> "Why don't you major in business instead?"<br /> Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died<br /> And I'll probably work forever as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride<br /> Skipper Dan is the name<br /> And I'm doin' 34 shows every day<br /> And every time it's the same<br /> Look at those hippos, they're wigglin' their ears<br /> Somebody shoot me 'cause I'm bored to tears<br /> Always said I'd be famous... I guess that I lied<br /> 'Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride<br /> I'm still workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride<br /> ---<br /> Lyrics submitted by Trey Bonnot.Lyrics provided by TANCODEhttps://damnlyrics.com/" readonly=""/>